"You're feeling it, you silly bitch! Your business is to make THEM feel it."

Tyrone Guthrie, famous director, said that line to an actor when the actor was getting too self-indulgent and emotional in his acting. Just as in life, when an actor is self-indulgent, the people watching do not generally feel much. They simply feel uncomfortable. I have learned that crying my eyes out does not mean I'm acting. Being intense just for the sake of being intense does not mean I'm acting.

My brilliant acting teacher I had this year did not let us feel. Ever. And even more, when we were watching the scenes of our classmates, we were only allowed to give objective observations as to what we saw. If anyone ever said anything such as, "When you said that line, I felt heartbroken," my teacher told us that was not an objective observation. We had to say, "I saw you making active choices on that line." At first, it was so annoying to not let how I felt influence what I saw from my classmates' scenes, but after a while, I realized how much I was able to learn by just watching.

However, this "wisdom" has resulted in a problem now when I go to see live theater. I have a very difficult time getting out of school mode when I see a show. Even if my acting teacher forbid us to feel, it is important that the audience feel. They are the ones who want to be entertained and taken away from their lives for a couple of hours. In the last 3 weeks, I have seen Happiness, Hair, Next to Normal, Shrek, August: Osage County, Exit the King, and 9-5, and at each show I have had a very hard time letting myself get taken away to the world of the play because I have been so focused on being objective. Instead of enjoying the moment, I have been so critical. Instead of feeling Claude's death in Hair, I observed how active the cast was when they were looking for him.

I suppose it's hard for anyone who is learning something to witness others pursuing the same thing. A top musician must die when watching an okay orchestra concert. A great writer must hate reading a book that is lacking. A star athlete must not be able to watch another athlete unless the other athlete is practically perfect.

Ignorance is bliss. When I was less informed of the fine art of theater, mostly anything a Broadway actor did impressed me and delighted me. Going to a show was so exciting and there wasn't much that I hated. Now, I am just too critical and I don't enjoy being an audience member as much. There's a lot of mediocrity in the theater scene right now, but 99% of the world still thinks the actors are really good because they are not informed. I'm the same way with a very average painting. I think some paintings are fabulous, yet a painter might just be dying inside because they notice everything in the painting that isn't as good as it should be.

I wish I could turn off this switch sometimes and let myself escape in the play. I have learned so much from the mediocrity I have seen on the stage recently, but I too want to be entertained and taken away from my life for a couple of hours.

Tallulah Bankhead said, "If you want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, be an audience." She was refering to the fact that there are so many aspiring actors, yet so many shows constantly close because attending the theater is not as common an activity as it once was. I do help the American theater as much as I can that way, but I don't know if I am letting the actors do their job.

It is hard to be a good audience member. It's completely unfair for me to nitpick at every little thing these actors do because obviously they are not perfect. I know how frustrating it is in school when my teachers and classmates are very objective towards my work. However, I do have a right as an unemployed actor to figure out why they are employed and I'm not and criticize that fact if they do not live up to a standard I am expecting. And also, Broadway tickets are expensive. I'd like to know there is a good reason why I'm spending money for that and not a Yankee game.

The good news is that there will always be some uninformed people who will think anything I do is great. The people who know nothing about theater and singing will feel something. I just have to watch out for the audience members who know a thing or two.